The blog where everything comes out.

Last year, June 2010.
To this very day, to forever, I will always regret having an abortion. But I promised myself, that I would not give up my smiles & laughter over a huge mistake I'll always regret. It was heartbreaking, and it haunts me so badly I wish I could have done things the way I wanted to, instead of absorbing all the negativity around me. I wish I could say "I'm over it" but I'm just not. & I don't know if I'll ever be. In a way, finding out I was pregnant, somehow at that moment in time completed me. It gave me more reasons to live for, and to be a better person. But since then, I've been trying to find myself, trying to stay positive for myself and everyone around me.

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.. Also, I found out my sister, was pregnant last year about 3months after I went through an abortion. It was really hard to sink in, and accept the fact she wanted to keep it. Like how I wanted to keep mine. & then my family accepted it, which I must say... pains me a lot. I'm probably to be honest, still hurting. No, I'm not jealous of my sister, it's just me & her are totally different, she's done a lot of fxcked up things, and she gets away with it. Whereas, the things I do, aren't as major & I can't even slip by without having anything? .. & comes the time, one irrational mistake happens, I happen to be pregnant, and I honestly & truthfully want to keep MY baby, my dreams tore me away. It really did leave a remarkably huge scar in my heart. I know time will heal pain, but this pain can't help but sting my broken heart. Every day I tell myself, "It was the right thing to do", but why do I feel everyday, I made a huge mistake & I could never ever take it back. My heart is in pain, and I could never express how much I'm hurting because I know myself, and what I went through was hell and back, & then back to hell again. Abortions are cruel, it's just an easy way out, it's like a rubber, you erase the mistake, but you can still see the smudges on paper.

Anyways, somewhat and some form I had to let it out. And for you heartless bitches who says "get over it!" .. try put your feet in my shoes and try take a fxcking walk through my life.