okay, it was my fault to call the so called break.
but this break is breaking me. breaking me so bad, i feel like crying every single tear in my heart and soul because we're not the same people we fell in love with anymore, i miss you so soo soo soooooooooooo much and the thing is, i want to give you space, and let you miss me, but why do you have to miss me if i'm already here?
have your feelings changed? am i here just until you find someone else? i'm crying so much right now, like it's really killing me to see the person I want to be with, and the person I love push me away. Yes, we're working it out, but you don't know how crap i feel when you told me "we're just friends getting back together" after we did what we did.
I love you, i do, but if you could only know how much pain im going through right now, and if you could only know how sorry I am, and how much I want you to be the same guy I fell for, the same guy I love, the same guy I see when I look at you. I hate myself so much right now, yet you don't see how much pain i'm in. I don't know if you're in pain, but I just think you set your barriers really high, and I'm just so scared that I can't reach them or break them down.
I did you wrong in the past, and now MY PREVIOUS ACTIONS are haunting you, and letting you believe i'll do the same, but please please please please, don't make me believe you'll do something to haunt me, i'm so sorry. i'm sorry, but please just let me know we're gonna be okay, or give me just a sign or hope that we are, because i need to know that we are, cos i just don't wanna hurt anymore, i just dont.
i know i shouldnt be crying, but i'm really dying inside.
Monday, 5 April 2010
Sunday, 7 March 2010
mister thuoc van philip quach.
i l o v e y o u*
thank you so so so so so so much for literally everything! everything! & everything! you're so special, like heaven sent me an angel.
there's nothing in the world to describe how much you mean to me right now, forever and always.
i love you baby, as many times as I keep falling, you're always there to pick me up and make me see sense.
in this world, you're like my nathan scott but better, and CHINESE/VIETNAMESE! LOL!!! xo <3
thank you so so so so so so much for literally everything! everything! & everything! you're so special, like heaven sent me an angel.
there's nothing in the world to describe how much you mean to me right now, forever and always.
i love you baby, as many times as I keep falling, you're always there to pick me up and make me see sense.
in this world, you're like my nathan scott but better, and CHINESE/VIETNAMESE! LOL!!! xo <3
chase the dream, but how?
have you ever been stuck in your life, where everything isn't going right, and you don't know where exactly you're heading to in life?
It's like your heart is trying to tell you something, something you desire to know, but you can't understand what your heart is telling you. I'm a really complicated girl, but my heart believes I'm just an out of the ordinary simple minded girl. I do admit, I make simple, complicated. Which is a disastrous flaw I own, and because I have that, my mind is on a 24/7 rollercoaster.
I am a worrier, no not a WARRIOR, I worry alot, about things that doesn't even concern me! I do that a lot actually.
But my dreams seem so out of reach, and I'm just wondering how in the world am I going to succeed in them. I can't tell myself it's impossible, because that's giving up. It is possible for me to, but my heart only wants one dream while I want to succeed in another.
Deep within my heart, it desires, craves and wants me to create another beating heart. Yes, in other words, have a baby. It neglects the negative opinions about my age, my status, my occupation, my friends, my social life and my education. It's so hard to explain that to anyone, because all they do is talk me out of it, well try.
Not every woman wishes for independence, I think the greatest thing for a woman is to be able to start a new life. And I want that.
Okay, my mind is disfunctioning, because it's getting clouded by a load of crap. :) loads to tell, but not much to type. x
It's like your heart is trying to tell you something, something you desire to know, but you can't understand what your heart is telling you. I'm a really complicated girl, but my heart believes I'm just an out of the ordinary simple minded girl. I do admit, I make simple, complicated. Which is a disastrous flaw I own, and because I have that, my mind is on a 24/7 rollercoaster.
I am a worrier, no not a WARRIOR, I worry alot, about things that doesn't even concern me! I do that a lot actually.
But my dreams seem so out of reach, and I'm just wondering how in the world am I going to succeed in them. I can't tell myself it's impossible, because that's giving up. It is possible for me to, but my heart only wants one dream while I want to succeed in another.
Deep within my heart, it desires, craves and wants me to create another beating heart. Yes, in other words, have a baby. It neglects the negative opinions about my age, my status, my occupation, my friends, my social life and my education. It's so hard to explain that to anyone, because all they do is talk me out of it, well try.
Not every woman wishes for independence, I think the greatest thing for a woman is to be able to start a new life. And I want that.
Okay, my mind is disfunctioning, because it's getting clouded by a load of crap. :) loads to tell, but not much to type. x
Saturday, 9 January 2010
you leave the past, to move on with the future.
Welcome, 2010.
Life's definately different..
I begin the year with my boyfriend, leaving behind the people I thought that would never ever leave my side...
I can't even put it into words in what I'm feeling... It's like, I don't feel comfortable with who I am or where I am, I don't feel me anymore.
It's like, I'm living in a strangers body. Crazy is what it seems, but I want to find my middle ground, and feel the warmth inside of me again.
It seemed that the previous year had went by so quick, but if that's what it seemed, how come the worst moments replay in slow motion through my head? I miss Tolga & Jason. Almost 3/4 years. Gone. Finished. "We used to talk, now we act like we hardly know eachother". =(
&& then there's my FIRST for MOSTthings Boyfriend, Philip Quach.
I thank him so much for his willingless to be with me, his endless love and care for me after all I put him through. He inspires me, to fight for what I love, to take chances, and most of all, learning to trust.
I don't know how lucky I am, to have a guy that wants me as much as he does. I love him for all that he is, and I'd hate to rub salt into the wound that I never thought I had done. I want to give him all my heart but... I'm so scared to jump. So so so so scared. I love him, I trust him and I want him, but I don't know if I can really do it. Cos when I'm falling, who's going to catch me?
s a v e m e.
Life's definately different..
I begin the year with my boyfriend, leaving behind the people I thought that would never ever leave my side...
I can't even put it into words in what I'm feeling... It's like, I don't feel comfortable with who I am or where I am, I don't feel me anymore.
It's like, I'm living in a strangers body. Crazy is what it seems, but I want to find my middle ground, and feel the warmth inside of me again.
It seemed that the previous year had went by so quick, but if that's what it seemed, how come the worst moments replay in slow motion through my head? I miss Tolga & Jason. Almost 3/4 years. Gone. Finished. "We used to talk, now we act like we hardly know eachother". =(
&& then there's my FIRST for MOSTthings Boyfriend, Philip Quach.
I thank him so much for his willingless to be with me, his endless love and care for me after all I put him through. He inspires me, to fight for what I love, to take chances, and most of all, learning to trust.
I don't know how lucky I am, to have a guy that wants me as much as he does. I love him for all that he is, and I'd hate to rub salt into the wound that I never thought I had done. I want to give him all my heart but... I'm so scared to jump. So so so so scared. I love him, I trust him and I want him, but I don't know if I can really do it. Cos when I'm falling, who's going to catch me?
s a v e m e.
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