headstart to a bright life. :)

the intensity of wantin' to let go isn't helpin' but the thought of lettin' go is becomin' more convincin' by the second..

It's complicated trying to be myself... my mind works in a crazy way, trying to find answers for everythin'.. havin' that negative & weirdly positive optimistic look to life makes me ten times the weird person I truly am.

But as much as I think about it, typing it all down isn't really going to crack the code to how my mind works, it's just the way it is.

Few weeks/months ago, I was under a dark grey cloud, and you know what that means right... NEGATIVE. && to feel that way is surely a difficult explanation when feelin' down has no cure when there is no answer.

But after realization, and probably a bump in the head, you realise that time is tickin' and people who are there for you, are just put there because of fate, and when they leave you it hurts, not "it can hurt".. IT HURTS. Because of all those lovin' memories that you share between them is the only thing that makes you hate the fact that memories is all you ever have left with the people you loved and makes you love the fact that the memories you had can never ever be erased within your heart.
That's exactly what I mean, the negative & positive clashing, if I can find reason for both sides then where exactly do I stand. I can't seem to take sides for anything, or anyone. It's just not my nature. I don't judge. I used to because I didn't understand the meanin' of prejudice.

Anyways, the more I think about it, the more I fall in love with it, I'm MIMI. the girl who can stand her ground, isn't afraid to let down her guard ONCE in a while.. the one who's mature but fun and crazy at the same time. The one who knows right from wrong, doing the things that she WANTS to do and supporting all the people that she loves and TRULY loves with all her heart even if they let her down. The one who has those mad bitchfits because of a reason that she can sleep off. The one that is there for the people that need her, the one that doesn't want to burden all of her friends/family in sorrow that she's going through because SHE KNOWS she can get over it herself.. the one who just waits JUST incase they might show up.. the one who can be upset, lost, lonely inside and hurt.. but still manages to pull a brave face outside. The one who laughs at almost everything that she remembers that's funny..

I know that all those people who have left my life, my storybook, left because of fate, because it was where our journey stopped, ended or even paused for unanswered and undiscovered reasons. But lookin' forward is the new trend of lookin' back. xx

Keepin' MY HEAD up. :)

Lovin me. Mimiilicious BABYYYYYYYYY. X

there's never a right time to say goodbye.. x

Dear T.
I've come to realise, waiting and hopin and wishin and thinkin about US is not goin' to change one single little tiny thing of what has happened between us.
Deep down, I MISS YOU. i miss you so fuckin' much that when i miss a second of not thinkin' bout you, i miss you even more.
I'm not hooked, don't ever ever think that i'm hooked on you. It may seem like it.. but I'm getting through my days and smiles.

It's hard you know, to let go. It really is, as hard as I am trying to hold on to you, is like trying to hold on for nothin'. I've had hope, I've been patient, I've been wishin on stars, I've constantly been thinkin' about the WHAT IFS.
But you know what, I really don't deserve this... I feel like out of all those good things you done for me, you was just gettin ready to shoot me down.

But then again, I am so thankful and so grateful to have met such a person like you, you've helped me through my downs in so many ways and I love you for that. You made me smile and we have so many memories that I will never ever forget.

If only I could have let go as easily as you did. Because, the situation I'm in now, I'm totally lost. I don't know what to say to people, when I say I'm fine.. am I really? I lost myself a truly great angel because of an idea which never worked. I'm so sorry for all the things I've done to you... I'm sorry that I couldn't have been a better friend... and I'm sorry that things has turned out the way it has...

But I'm sorry because I have a life to live aswell... and your shadow in my life isn't helpin me... LOL it sounds like you've died or somethin'.. (touch wood!) anyways.. I got life to live. I can't miss you. I gotta miss other people too you know. :)

So, T. my cute soljah boy. Keep that head up. Goodbye.

Love Mimilicious .x